I Am Tired of Being a Woman.

I turn in my woman card...

Is there a woman card? Or only a man card? It is a man's world after all.  No matter the feminism, the marches in big cities, the female CFO, the "token" women on the board of directors, Ivanka Trump, Ashley Judd … it is a man's world.  Still.  It remains a man's world.  

I am a 43 year old female.  I was born in 1976.  I grew up in the 80’s when Claire Huxtable was a lawyer and Different Strokes was a house full of multi-cultural children raised by a man.  I completely related to and felt in my soul in the show, My Two Dads, because I had and still have two dads – one hero, one loser, but still, there are two.  Through everything, it is still a man’s world… at least in this house.

I am a mother.  I have two sons.  One is 16 and the other is 13.  They are similar and yet they are quite different.  One is a little less “try hard”, gets high A’s and that comes natural.  He questions the need for authority, he, in fact, questions everything.  Yet, we have hung the sun and the moon on this child, as you do with your first born - and most times, he rises to the occasion.  My second son works hard, does his homework as soon as he gets home, is compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic and is everything we raised his brother to be – oddly enough, it shows up in the second born son.  Though very different, they are everything to me.  I was born to be their mother.  It is my greatest passion, my calling, my chosen career. 

I am a wife.  I have been married to love of my life for 19 years this Monday.  Marriage is a challenge.  It is hard.  No, it is HARD.  It is why I am still here.  I apparently love and live by a challenge.  

Unlike my first born beautiful boy, I am a try hard.  For those not related at all to Generation Y, a “try hard” means I am “sweaty”, I “flex”, I “try hard” to do the right thing, all of the time. In fact, one of my former bosses said once in a recommendation letter – and I quote, “Candace does the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing.”  To some that would be weak, to me, it meant everything.  

I indeed try hard, for everyone.  And I am worn out.

I am tired of being a woman.  I am tired of being put together.  I am tired of letting everything roll off my back.  I am tired of being lonely.  Do you know how lonely it is to be mother to two teenage sons?  As babies and toddlers, they need you for everything - then they need you to play with them, and you are worn slap out in those early years - and then they grow, enter middle school and suddenly you bore them - and now you'd give anything for an entire sentence and eye contact, to play, to swing, to read books like you used to.  And where is your husband?  Cutting the grass - because in 2019 the grass gets cut three times a week.  It is a lonely place.

I am tired of being a woman.  No, I do not admire Caitlyn Jenner.  That is a lot of work.  I just want to be respected, admired.  I want to have the same pull as a man.  I have direction, purpose, yet still I wear the smile of a people pleaser (typical woman),  along with an underwire bra, heels and quite often a face fit for the stage and tv.  I am tired of being pleasing.  I am tired of being dismissed.  I am tired of being a woman… I am tired. 

Can anyone out there relate?  Sure, we make it look so perfect on Facebook, but not intentionally, because WHO really takes pics of the cat shit on the floor and posts them on a heinous Monday morning?  Yet this is the reality.  We mothers, we wives, we are tired, we are worn out, we are taken for granted and we are lonely.  Own it.  Question it, defy it, change it.  Find yourself.  Anyone with me? 

End of rant.  

Keto Life - 27.5 Pounds Later and Proving You Wrong

On July 9, 2018, I divorced sugar and carbs.  I have lost 27.5 lbs. and while I still have a little more to lose, this loss is a complete success for me.  You may be saying to yourself that you could never give up bread.  I hear you.  I love bread, chocolate, buttery biscuits and doughnuts are my very favorite food in the entire world.  I miss ice cream, cake, I would be buried with a box of Cheez-its.  Cheetos light my fire.  A nightly bowl of cereal as dessert - even "healthy" cereal like Special K with Red Berries was a comforting daily routine.  Carbs are life, right?  Craft beer, red wine, hot apple cider in the fall while walking the boys around trick-or-treating was tradition.  Coming together with family or friends, every celebration and event was centered around food.  Every single one.  Then I ran into my friend Danielle while in Outer Banks for vacation - at Duck Donuts.  Ironic, huh?  Danielle was tall, thin and looked simply amazing.  I felt pudgy, blotchy, sunburnt and was minutes from having a doughnut in hand.  Enter Keto. 

But before I go any further, I have to ask.  Have you ever been with a group of friends or at an event and they asked you why you weren't eating?  You respond with "I can't eat that, I'm on a diet" and you watch their eyes glaze over with that knowing look - their eyes respond with "yeah, right."  Cause they know you've never lost weight and won't ever lose weight.  I have seen that look in the eyes of so many of my friends.   Its not that they wanted me to fail, they just didn't think this little fat girl had it in her to lose weight - ever.  Same with my parents, my husband, co-workers.  Sorry, I saw it in your eyes.  I know you love me, and it wasn't ever your fault - I proved you right month by month, year by year.  I was chubby.  I had always been chubby.  Till now. 

I gave up bread.  I gave up biscuits.  I gave up chocolate in any form that most people eat.  I gave up Cheez-its and Cheetohs.  I gave up craft beer - oh how I miss you.  I gave up ice cream, cobblers, seven layer chocolate cake, shortbread cookies, pancakes, syrup, cinnamon toast. monkey bread, weekly slices of homemade banana bread (and I can bake it better than any of you. Trust.)  I gave up pizza crust.  I gave up Steak & Potato Pie from British Pie Society.  I gave up taco shells and nachos.  I gave up healthy, whole grains.  I am still alive.  My cholesterol is down, my bloodwork is nearly perfect.  I have astounded my doctor and I can fit into a dresses I wore over fifteen years ago.  At the risk of sounding like an infomercial trying to sell you something, I am going to tell you exactly how I did it.  It may not be the proper form of keto, but it works for my body.  It may work for you. 

First things first.  You need to read up on Ketosis. 
https://www.ruled.me/guide-keto-diet/#how-to-reach-ketosis

Determine your macros. (How many fat grams, protein, carbs, calories you should consume)
https://www.ruled.me/guide-keto-diet/#how-to-reach-ketosis

Of course there are supplements you can buy on the Ruled.Me site, but it really is a plethora of information on the Keto lifestyle and that is what I use it for.  I have not bought a single supplement, meal plan, etc.  Mostly everything you need can be found in your refrigerator or at your grocery store, however, here are some tips and tricks I have learned along the way. 

Things to have on hand:

Organic, Cold-Pressed Coconut Oil (like Kelapo) - this can be used to cook with, in "Fat Bomb" recipes, Bullet Proof Coffee or eaten by the spoonful to fuel your body, add in fat and stop sweet cravings.

Powerade Zero - loss of electrolytes and key minerals is common as your body tries to go into Ketosis.  Keep a Powerade Zero on hand to keep Keto Flu at bay - nausea, cramping and general feelings of being lethargic. 

Pink Himalayan Sea Salt- a good source of magnesium and other key minerals.  I sprinkle it on everything. 

Non-sugar Sweetner - such as Truvia

Heavy Whipping Cream - to put in coffee, to whip up using Truvia and Vanilla as a homemade Whipped Cream, I have even used this + Almond Flavoring + Truvia + Vodka to make a sweet Amaretto-like cocktail

Start your week with food on hand to eat so that you do not cave and eat a granola bar or something processed and pre-packaged.

Homemade Taco Meatballs in the refrigerator
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/216946907023782697/

Sausage Balls (without Bisquick)
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/510314201523246529/


Paula Deen Squash Casserole

 

 Chocolate PB Fat Bombs

Cheesecake Fat Bombs

Batch of Keto Cloud Bread (Sweet) - to use as a stack of pancakes, a cookie, a sweet snack to stave off carbs

Batch of Keto Cloud Bread (Savory) - to use as a taco shell, a hot dog bun, a hamburger bun, naan bread.  Use the Cinnamon Cloud Bread recipe below - and omit the Truvia, Cinnamon, Vanilla.  To the yolk mixture, add cheese, salt, garlic - whatever you like.

Bacon, Bacon, Bacon - it is a lifesaver.  Ziploc bag + 3 slices of bacon = Keto success - its called "purse bacon" and it's a real thing.  Keep this in your purse for a snack on the go. 


Is this forever? 
For me, it is forever.  I have spent my life craving food.  I can remember being in elementary school at Bible Baptist - fifth grade maybe - considering the time left on the clock and how delicious it would be to melt butter in the microwave and drizzle it on top of toasted bread as soon as I ran through the door at home.  This may not sound odd to you, but I followed that up with a can of raviolis and probably a few little Debbies.  Keto keeps my cravings at bay.  Don't get me wrong - it is hard.  I have sat at the dinner table with my family, crying over my plate of sautéed squash.  It is worth every tear. 

I do cheat. 
My birthday, my children's birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas - I have cheated to the degree of starting each of those days with Baker's Pride doughnuts.  It's become my new tradition and it works.  I make sure to eat all of my favorite carbs to my heart's content on these cheat days.  I felt guilty at first, but wise words from my mother made perfect sense to me. She said that I should thoroughly enjoy my cheat days when I consider that I only have about 10 of them a year, compared with the other 355 days a year that I stay on this diet.  Point taken.  Hand me a doughnut. 

Finally, download this Carb Manager app to keep a tally of how many fats, proteins and carbs you have eaten.  You upload your macros into this app and it keeps you on track.  You can search foods, input your own recipes to help you determine per serving fats/carbs/etc.  It's great!

If you can make it two days - you can do it.  You just have to want it bad enough.